Joys, Evil, and an Unhealed Heart

When I sat down to write this post my intent was to only speak of the joys of today. That however is  not honest. The main joys were in the morning, even though there were joys in the midst of the evil to surface later in the day.

The day began as we loaded the truck and headed to the site where we were to hold the medical clinic. I jumped in the back of the pickup truck as opposed to getting into one of the SUVs because I find it much easier to be a part to the city riding there and feel separate from the city when in an SUV. Port-au-Price is a city full of movement and it is strangely comforting to be in the movement.

We arrived at the site and the school was still in session so we really could not set up the clinic as the children were finishing a exam. This meant we had a little bit of time to mingle with the neighborhood. I enjoy talking to the people in my broken Creole and they all seem very willing to help me get my pronunciation a little more correct as well as very patient with me. One of the doctors and I ended up purchasing some fried plaintans from a vendor and while I didn't end up getting any I hear they were good. 

While all this was going on some other members of our group were setting up activities and playing with the kids. They were playing with a parachute with what seemed to be 20 or 30 kids. There was pure joy there and it was a blessing to be able to stand there and simply observe the joy and love being shared. 

Once the medical clinic began it was much like many clinics. There was lots of activitity, triage people triage-ing, doctors doctoring, etc.  in these moments you can miss things as you hustle to make the clinic function and miss individuals. The individual today was fortunately not missed thanks to at least one individual on our team. She was 18, had some mental capacity issues, and just found out she was pregnant. The evil in our midst was that she was raped by someone in the village and was now pregnant because of that rape. And she almost slipped out the door. 

Praise God that one of our team noticed her face and called out for a translator to stop her before she left. From there we were able to connect her with the with wife of the main Pastor with which we work, as well as the local church pastor, and another of our team members who has worked in rape counciling centers. For the brief time she was in our arms she was showered with love, acceptance, prayer, and acknowledgement that regardless of her situation she is an valued and loved child of God. 

To be honest there was little we could do for her beyond what was done. While she did not attend the church where the clinic was held (the church doubles as a school on weekdays) the local Pastor agreed to try to help her and look in on her; but acknowledged that despite this that this was likely not the first nor the last that this girl would be abused because her mental capacity made her vulnerable.  I am not sure which is more evil, the fact that she was raped, the fact that there is almost a helpless acceptance that it will continue, or the fact that this is the second trip to Haiti that I have hard to rage against the men of Haiti and their treatment of women. THIS MUST STOP. The churches need to speak and teach of this and NOT accept it.  

While the events that brought this girl to us were evil, there was joy. She was and is loved. By the time she left us one of the main individuals from our group that was loving her said that she smiled. I suspect that smile won't last long and that there will be rough days, weeks, months, and years ahead. I pray that in those tough times she can look back on the love she received today and find strength through God's grace. 

While we were reviewing the day someone in the group mentioned that every time they come to Haiti their heart breaks again and again. For me, I don't think that is true. My heart doesn't break each time I come to Haiti. Instead I don't think my heart has healed since the first time I stepped off the bus 3 months after the earthquake into Haiti for the first time. The wound sometimes feels less painful, I may even forget about it for short periods of time, but being in Haiti quickly reopens the wound and the blood flows. 

I pray for the girl tonight, that she rest easy in the love received today and in God's grace. That girls all over the world that have and are experiencing these evils tonight feel God's love in the midst of the unspeakable pain and that despite what the world says, that they realize that they are valuable and loved not only by many on earth but an eternal father that may not seem to be there at times, but is looking at and holding them in love.  Amen. 

Kites and Kids

It was a simple plan, capture the names, birthdate, school grade, and take a photo of all the kids at the orphanage. We even thought we would be clever and I created a form on the iPad to capture the textual information. Piece of cake.

Things even looked promising when we got to the orphanage and the kids were all on the bedroom floor as there was some sort of meeting going on at the orphanage; so they were contained. And, the house mothers agreed to help us. 

The problem started when we attempted to gather the information. Quickly it was determined that the iPad was too much work and we reverted to paper. Then one house mother brought out their records on the children. It was a single, well used piece of 81/2 x 11 paper; partially torn on the folds. On it were handwritten notes about each child. Some had last names, others not. Some had birthdates, others not. Some had birth day, but not birth year. There was no information about parents, village of origin or anything else. There was one birth certificate that was pulled out for one child with a mother listed, but no father and the child didn't know his father's name. 

As we were collecting information and several children didn't know their birthdays I asked if the orphanage celebrated birthdays. The answer was no. The orphanage is not overly funded, so I was not surprised that they didn't throw parties for each child, but it appears that the birthdays are not even recognized. More on this later. 

After we were done I have to admit I was feeling a little down because these children were not being celebrated and told how valuable they are on the anniversary of their birth. I know how I feel when I see my children beam on their birthdays and we typically have relatively muted celebrations. 

As I was heading down the stairs I noticed some boys playing with some handmade kites in the stairwell. It made me both happy as the boys were clearly having a good time. It made me sad with how little they have; yet even in this they find happy moments. 

We don't and may not be able to get the birth date of each child and I don't know how we might even get a card mailed from outside Haiti to the children, but if I can solve these problems is there anyone who would commit to sending each child a card on their next birthday with a simple happy birthday note? Please don't take this commitment lightly if you say yes, it is a year worth of work. But I can promise if it can happen it will bring joy to a child and they will feel how very special they are. Email me if you are really willing to commit. 

Tonight I pray for the children of the Source of Light orphanage, that they realize that they are beloved children of God and that they are valuable. I pray for the doctors and nurses that will soon be leaving their homes to come to join us for next week that they might have safe and easy travels. I pray that anyone that reads this blog will spend 1 minute and pray for just one child somewhere in the world that needs to understand their value.  Amen. 

5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 ... Bag

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One Month of Food for the Children

5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 ... Bag.  This is the chant of a pill counter. This is how my day ended.  Well, to be honest it ended with a shower and bed, but counting pills was right before that. Counting pills is an important part of the medicial clinics we hold down in Haiti. We essentially purchase medicines in bulk and then pre-package them in one month supplies to be handed out at the discretion of the doctors with which we work. It isn't the most physically challenging work, but it is nessisary and usually is accompanied by bad jokes, mistakes, forgotten counts, and laughs.

Previous to pill counting I had my second Creole lesson from a translator. Not sure about their take on the subject, but I feel I am learning, if slowly. I seem to be able to usually get my point across, even if it is not in the most structurally or grammatically correct way. Only when I switch words like vann (sell) and achte (buy) do I really confuse people. I am still not able to pick up everything being said at "full speed" Creole, but hope to get there at some point. 

The Sewing Class

Before leaving the orphanage today for the guest house and my Creole lesson we met with the sewing class to get that group started.  Classes will start tomorrow and it sounds like the teacher is both knowledgable and strict as he has already scheduled a test as well as informed the students that they will be charged a small penalty if they are late. God speed to this class and may it turn into a skill and a means to provide income for their families. 

You want it moved where?! That was my initial thought when the food for the children was delivered to the orphanage while we were waiting for the people of the sewing class to gather and the meeting to start.  We had just unloaded five or six 30 pound bags of rice and one 50 pound bag of fine corn meal along with other provisions such as beans, noodles, staples, etc.  Now we had to move it up to the third floor for storage. Any guesses what one stupid person decided to start with? 50 pounds never seemed so heavy and I am going with the story that I am not fully climatized as well. By the time I got up to the top I was quite winded and one of the older kids actually helped me get it into the room. But back down I went and after the 50 pound bag the 30 pound bags seemed quite reasonable. It felt good to get really sweaty, well at least in retrospect.  We are not really doing construction this first week like we normally do, so getting out and doing something really physical was a good change.

3rd Floor View

The day began at 7 AM with breakfast. They do feed us well while we are hear.  And I also do enjoy walking down to the orphanage after breakfast as we greet people as we go. I often wonder what they are really thinking as we pass and say hello. I hope they see us as friends trying to help.

Tonight it is raining again and I pray for the people of the neighborhood. I pray they are dry and have enough food and clean water. I pray that when we see them in the morning they will see us as friends. I pray that the men we see sitting out in front of their dwellings most of the day are able to find work if that is what they are looking for. I pray that all the children we see as they head off to school have a wonderful day. Amen. 

Sorting, Planning, Kreyòl, and Cultural Differences

Lining Up

Today started with a plan to meet at the orphanage at about 9am to help plan a sewing class. We were there on time, the man from the church who knows how to repair sewing machines was there by 9:15, but the others we needed for the meeting were not available until around 9:45. This is actually quite normal in Haiti and once you get past the US idea that things happen as scheduled it is one of the charms of Haiti.

The plan to start a sewing class came about because this year we will be distributing "Days for Girls" kits. The original plan was to find people that knew how to sew and could turn making these kits into a business. Another charm of Haiti is that initial plans often change as you learn "facts on the ground."  So now we are planning for a sewing class to first teach a group of people to sew and then, when they are ready, they might be able to make the kits, which I am told are difficult to make. 

While the sewing instructor was evaluating the available sewing machines and understanding what needs to be repaired we started sorting some cloths that were in the room. The room was being used as a sort of make shift storage area. There were quite few musical instruments in this room including violins, guitars, brass, and rythem. It would be nice if the children could use them, but I don't think there is anyone at the orphanage now to teach music. 

By the time all this was complete it was time to head back to the guest house for lunch and a conversation with the Pastor's wife about sex education at the clinics for next week. There are some cultural norms that are different between the U.S. and Haiti on this subject. 

One of the things I have been working on this trip is my ability to speak Haitian Creole. I have asked the translators to only speak to me in Creole and one of the translators has agreed to help teach me a little more and help me with my pronunciation. We plan to meet for about 1 hour every day and we started today. I feel a little like a kindergartener as I learn the basics of the Haitian alphabet and some simple verb tenses, but even this first class was really good and I learned some important things. I still have a long way to go and I am slow at learning languages, but I am making progress. I am very grateful to the translators, the children at the orphanage, and all I meet in Haitii who have helped me and are continuing to help me learn to speak Creole. 

One last thing before I sign off. Some cultural differences have always been difficult for me when I have been in Haiti. One of the earlier trips we saw a rather brutal punishment being given to a girl at one school, not the school at the orphanage. What I saw today in comparison was quite tame.  Apparently some of the boys were not up to snuff when getting into line after lunch. There punishment was to sit on their knees on the pavement until the other kids filled inside and then they were allowed to move. This is just not something you would see in the states, but as I said is quite timid for Haiti. 

As it starts to rain, and I mean really rain, in Haiti I pray for those in Haiti that do not have a shelter that keeps out the rain. I pray for those whose shelter may keep out the rain, but whose floor turns into a river from the runoff. I pray for the mother who dropped off the two year old for the Pastor to care for, that she may be safe and dry tonight and that she rests with the knowledge that her child's health is improving and that her child is safe and loved. I pray that if it is God's will that she may get to a place where she may be able to care for the child and be reunited with the child that she so loved that she flelt she must give it to another for care. I pray for my wife back home that all is going well. That she understands how much I love her and that I understand how much she and my kids sacrifice for me to come to Haiti. Amen. 

Getting back to Haiti

Miriam and I, she is 4 years old

I am setting on a screened porch, listening to the sounds of the night in Port-au-Prince. I hear bugs clicking, cars sputtering along, dogs barking, music playing, and the voices of many conversations. The smell of burning charcoal is in the air. A slight breezes passes through now and again. It is good to be back in Haiti. I miss they sounds and smells when I am not hear and when I smell wood charcoal burning back in the states it instantly brings me back to Port-au-Prince.

We attended church at the Pastor's church in Martissant this morning. We met old friends and listened to teachings on learning to see what God is asking of you and not to be blind to his guidance. The Pastor also spoke to the congregation about the newest child that will be placed in the orphanage. She is two years old and was brought to the Pastor a week or so ago very sick and with out any cloths. The mother asked the Pastor to care for the child as she could not. The mother is 17 years old. 

The Pastor said that the child is too young for the orphanage at this time and his family is currently caring for the child. Although she is not completely well, she is healing. The Pastor reminded the congregation the love is not a game and they must not treat it as such. 

After church it was off to the grocery store for lunch supplies for the week. We live on PB&J for lunch. It was a short trip to the market, but it is not cheap. 

A quick rest and we were off to the orphanage to get reacquainted, play, and to meet with the Pastor to plan and schedule for the rest of this first week. It always amazes me that the children remember my name. I am in Hait for only two weeks a year and there are other teams that come down from all over, but they remember me, my name, and even that I have two daughters and a son.

I have to admit I did have an alternative purpose in the trip to the orphanage the evening. My goal was to find out a bit more about the age groupings of the children and their current "life skills" training. The mother oldest child at the orphanage is 15 and after him are a group of about 4 or 5 that are 14. None of the children have had life skills training. This means they do not know how to shop for food, cook a meal, or wash their cloths. All skills required to live independently. Nor do they really have mentors to whom they can turn for guidance.

The Good news is the Pastor is open to ideas about providing mentors and life skills training, but this all takes money which is not currently available. Some of the organizations which provide major funding for the orphanage are looking to purchase so property for the older children. We looked at it yesterday. It was nice; it needs a lot of work, but it is a good base. While not the complete answer, a place to live must be part of the answer. 

I love and miss my family. And when I see someone like Richardson who is 15 and lives at the orphanage I think of my children and my son of the same age. I am grateful for him, and my girls. I pray that these children will either find a forever family or learn the skills to be successful as an independent adult.  These children, as mine, will always be part of the family of Christ. Amen. 

Travel Day, the way out

I have spent a lot of time in airports this week. I had an unexpected business trip to Atlanta, which meant I spent all of Wednesday and much of Thursday in airports getting between San Jose, California and Atlanta, Georgia. Now I find myself in an airport again as I head to Port-au-Prince, Haiti for two weeks. I am not sure my spirit and mind have caught up to this reality and I suspect this long over night flight from SJC to LAX to JFK to PAP is a blessing in disguise so that I can quiet my soul and get in the right place for this trip.

If you have been reading any of my posts you should be aware that one of the main things on my mind is the children at the orphanage that are nearing the age of majority. At some point the children, really young adults, will be too old to continue to live at the orphanage and alternate arrangements will have to be made else they may end up on their own in the streets or in situations of abuse. I have been doing a lot of reading in this area and armed with a little knowledge I hope to help in anyway I can and not be a burden or a roadblock to the pastor managing the orphanage. 

I have tried to make contact with one of the stateside organizations that help fund and direct the orphanage, but have not received much information about their plans. That is not to say they don't have plans, just that I am not privy to any plans. I know that their has been some talk about purchasing additional land to build young adult housing, but based on my reading, while important, that is only a small part of the overall problem and simply placing the the young adults in alternative housing is necessary, but not sufficient. I hope to have time to work with the pastor to learn of any plans in progress and provide input based on my readings and inputs from others such as Jonathan LaMare from the BeLikeBrit orphanage and Lighthouse Youth Services. 

I pray that God guides this trip to Haiti and that he works through everyone involved to help plan and provide for these children and young adults so that they understand that they are beloved children of God and that they will not be abandoned even as adults. That they are part of a larger family that will be there to support them through their trial into adult hood. That they are given the training and support they require to be who God means them to be. 

While I am away I pray that God protects and supports my family and gives my wife strength and support as she becomes a single parent. Amen. 

Fwiw I set the dog to kill and instructed him on his duty to protect the family before I left. 

T minus 3 Weeks and I am just not ready

In a little under 3 weeks I leave for Port-au-Prince, Haiti for two weeks. I haven't raise all the money I have hoped, but the flights are booked and there is no turning back, not that I would want to turn back. I love Haiti and can't wait to get back; but, I am not ready.

I am about $750 short of my funding goal, but that isn't even the biggest reason I am not ready. I am mostly not ready because I feel like there is so much I need to learn and do to with respect to transitional housing before I leave. I have received a lot of information from many different sources and I am incredible grateful. I would like to especially thank the BeLikeBrit orphanage as well as Lighthouse Youth Services, particularly their Independent Living division.

In addition to the information provided by others the local library produced some good resources as well. In particular was the journal from New Directions for Youth Development that focuses on transitioning youth to independent living. This journal was actually the breadcrumb that led me to Lighthouse Youth Services.

What this all means is that I have much to read and not enough hours in the day to absorb all the information. At times it feels like I am attempting to get a degree in youth development.

The point of doing all this research is to have some background information for when I arrive in Haiti. I am hoping to have conversations with the Pastor that manages the orphanage with which we work and start discussions about how to help prepare the youth for independent living. This means the more information I can absorb and translate to the Haitian context the better support I can provide the Pastor.

In addition to my reading I have been attempting to learn Creole via audio recordings. I actually attempt to do this every year, but have re-doubled my efforts this year. I have to admit it is not going well. Learning languages is not one of my strengths. If anyone knows how to speak Creole and is willing to tutor let me know. I have thought about starting to watch Haitian movies on YouTube as well, thinking that this might be a good way to practice understanding Creole.

I have a feeling these last weeks before the trip will move incredible fast and so I will attempt to accomplish as much reading and research as I can. If nothing else I have two days of travel to catch up on the reading.

I am also looking for anyone that has experience with transitioning youth out of case to independent living. If anyone has any pointers in that direction I would be appreciate contacts. The more information I can gather the better prepared I might be.

As I stated before I am a little behind on my fund raising. So if anyone feels moved, please send donations to the following:

Union Church
C/O Jonathan Wright-Gray
P.O. Box 7028
Ocean Park, Maine 04063
(Please put "Haiti" and my name in the memo of the check.)

Additionally, I have set up a wish list on Amazon.com for some books I would like to take with me to Haiti. Right now most my books are from the library, so having some purchased copies, copies to leave with the Easy English Club in Haiti, as well as copies to leave with the Pastor would be a good thing. I still have not been able to find a bilingual Bible for English and Haitian Creole. If anyone can get their hands on one I would greatly appreciate it.

Bondye Beni w