Time and Distance

I am on a plane now headed for Port-au-Prince, Haiti. This is my seventh or eighth trip and many people have been traveling to Haiti many more times than I. I am traveling alone this trip, so I am a bit more anxious this trip, but confident that it is in God's will. 

I was reading an article the other day where an American astronaut was being interviewed after returning from a year living on the international space station. He was asked a question that at its root is what people sometimes ask me, "what were you the most afraid of when you were there?" His answer captured my exact feelings when I travel to Haiti. 

I have said many times that I have never been afraid while I was in Haiti. What I mean by that statement is that I never felt in physical danger while there. I am convinced that it is God's grace providing that comfort. But to say I have never been worried or concerned is not accurate either. But the concern is not for myself.

My worst fear while I am in Haiti is that something happens back home and I simply not there. If something were to happen, and I pray it doesn't, I fear that I have simply let my family down. That I have not met my responsibilities and I can't get back in time to help and be present. 

This is essentially what the astronaut stated and I suspect it is a feeling shared by most family men when they are away from home for work, men's weekends away, or for mission trips. I suspect, as I know it does for me, that this feeling is amplified based on the time and distance you are away from home. 

I have to admit I feel pulled in two directions when I leave my family for two weeks to spend in Haiti with the kids who live at the orphanage. I don't know how to adequately explain the depth of my love for my family and how much I want to spend time with them, but I feel that if I don't go I would essentially be disobeying God. 

I wonder how the disciples felt and were able to drop everything to follow Jesus. I am in no way making a comparison to them, but I wonder if they every struggled with the tension between family and following. 

Today I pray for my family back at home. My children and wife who I miss and love. My wife who manages everything without me and supports me in these trips. May God care for them and show them Grace. May I be with the again soon. Amen.