Today was going well until near the end. We had are normal number of heart breaking cases. The doctors were working incredibly hard as they served 162 people mostly children, as we were at a school. The children's team were busy keeping track of 70 kids some of which were content coloring, some of which need the rough housing and male model figure our team member B provided. The pharmacy people were running around like crazy doing the best that could be done providing medications, even cutting pills, given the limited supply. The eye glass team was swamped all day and got no rest. The person handing out deworming medicine was working a way making sure the kids drank the awful syrup and then drawing a smile on their hand so we know they had it.
And then it happened ...
We could accept no more patients and yet there were more people waiting and even pleading to get in ...
A little bit of history here. On my first trip to Haiti just about 2 months after the earthquake we were providing medical clinics very much like the one we provided today. Part of my role in those clinics was to run the door and weigh people as they entered the clinic. This meant that at the end of the day it was my responsibility to shut the door and ensure no one else entered. This meant that I had to turn away people that were in greater need than I will likely every be. Least you think that is easy, trust me, it haunts my very soul today.
To the present. Fortunately it was not my role to guard the door today. That job fell to our team member I will call JP. But I unfortunately noticed it was happening and it all instantly flooded back to me. It was if no time had past and I was yet again turning people away that should not have to be turned away. It was to the point that I could not even look at JP let alone talk to him, not because I was mad at him for the job that he must perform, but because no one should have to be on the wrong side of that door. That door should simply not only never be closed, but should not exist.
I know in the midst of doing that job you can cope. It is a job and you can distance yourself. I also know that those moments burn there way into your heart and eat at you when they come to the surface. It is something that must be done, the doctors, pharmacists, nurses, eye care workers, child care people, and every one else have worked so very hard and can not continue indefinitely. But through the grace of God I pray that this door vanishes from existence never to be seen of, heard of, or remembered.
I pray that God's grace bathes the people of Haiti and that he holds them gently in his care so that they might heal, and understand how deeply they are loved. That God grants peace and prosperity to the people of this island and that through God's love no one must every be forced to shut the door again. And thank God for JP, for his strength to perform this task, and I pray that he understands, as I am sure he does, that it is an important thing he had to do today however hard and distasteful.
You tell the story so well that I can feel your pain and see the people outside the door.
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